eCRATER.com Forum Index

SearchSearch
ProfileProfile
  Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   
Log inLog in

10 Surefire Ways to Annoy Your Visitors

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    eCRATER.com Forum Index -> Selling on eCRATER.com
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
CollectibleTreasuresEmpor



Posts: 9

PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:01 pm    Post subject: 10 Surefire Ways to Annoy Your Visitors Reply with quote

I have seen a lot of outrageous requests for changes on eCrater on that thread. This tongue-in-cheek was written by a well respected webhosting company based on their webhosting experiences. I thought it might be good to post it in it's own thread. I hope it generates some thoughtful consideration of what makes eCrater Great. I love the professional look of eCrater and that was one of the top reasons I chose it. I was told on another website to warn you not to drink coffee while reading this because it may end up on your computer screen.
**********************************************************
10 Surefire Ways to Annoy Your Visitors
1. Start with your entry page. Be sure to include a huge graphical logo, but absolutely no useful information. In general, large unnecessary downloads such as background music (ideally totally inappropriate music), multimedia presentations and video files, are an essential element of the truly annoying site, so include six or seven on every page.

2. Very tiny text (SIZE=1) can be a great way to damage your visitors' eyesight. Unfortunately modern browsers include a font-sizing feature which negates much of the power of this technique. Webmasters can seize back control by mixing tiny (SIZE=1) and very large (SIZE=6) text on the same page.

3. Low contrast color combinations like yellow on white, or better yet, dark gray on black, have been proven to increase web surfers' aggression levels.

4. WRITING EVERYTHING IN CAPITAL LETTERS CAN HAVE INTERESTING EFFECTS IN YOUR VISITORS' PSYCHOLOGICAL MAKE-UP. EXPERIMENT WITH switching between CASES FOR absolutely NO REASON, preferably EVEN IN THE midDLE of WOrds, TO REALLY WIND THEM UP!

5. Make sure absolutely every page positively requires horizontal scrolling.

6. Frames can be a powerful technology for making people's blood boil. Be sure to use them heavily, and don't let users easily break out even when leaving your site. For extra credit, combine this with horizontal scrolling and have the 'Home' button "accidentally" put the entire frame-set inside the smallest frame.

7. Forms are most interesting when they don't work at all. Unfortunately, it won't waste much of your visitors' time if the form has only a couple of fields. Therefore make sure your form has at least 20 fields which must be filled out exactly right (add validation code), and wait till they've struggled through them all, before giving a CGI error.

8. Banners adverts are one of the most under-used technologies on the web. Some sites have only 2 or 3 per page. Show those sites how to do it right, by having at least 20 banners per page. Remember never use a text link when you have a chance to use a banner!

9. Sadly some hosts do not add pop-ups to your pages. If your web host is holding you back in this way, don't despair. After you've mailed your letter of compliant to the hosting company, add a little JavaScript to your pages to achieve the same effect.

10. Finally the old ideas are often still the best ones: Bad English is well-known technique that many webmasters are familiar with. Be sure to include a more than adequate number of speling misteaks in all your text, or for a really exciting twist make your sentences really long, with way too many clauses, a superabundance of overlong and unnecessarily obtuse terminology and gratuitous jargon, and unexpected changes from formal language into the a more colloquial style: as it this way cool example!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Exclamation marks are also good, the more the better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)


Full credit for this marvelous advice goes to Dot5Hosting, my choice for web hosting.
*************************************
This tonque-in-cheek advice should be take to heart by all website owners. This is good advise for posting on all forums, websites, auctions and other selling venues. If you use this on another site, please be give the originator credit for it.
Back to top
View seller's profile Send private message Visit seller's eCRATER store
MIZombie



Posts: 489

PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 6:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Music = Click - Goog Bye~


-----------------------------------------
MI Zombie

www.incense-stick.com
www.nicodemon.info/community
Back to top
View seller's profile Send private message Visit seller's eCRATER store
2BOYSandTOYS



Posts: 525

PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 6:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have seen this and it has a ton of value IMO!!! I never know when there is music - I keep my speakers off unless I 'need' them!! Shocked Wink
Back to top
View seller's profile Send private message Visit seller's eCRATER store
pages



Posts: 34

PostPosted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 8:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Useful, but it left a couple things out. Blinkies and scrollers. Those annoying cursors that "follow" you around leaving little hearts on the page. And on the forms, be sure ALL the information completely disappears after the error code, so it must be reentered each time. Be sure you make your site compatible with only Explorer, since Firefox is the fastest growing browser.

I recently saw a new annoyance. It's an ad box that drops down from the top of the page unexpectedly and obscures part of the text. You can't get rid of it by scrolling down, because it follows you.
Back to top
View seller's profile Send private message Visit seller's eCRATER store
fancyflappers



Posts: 650

PostPosted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 9:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dangit, I use the alternating caps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Laughing
Back to top
View seller's profile Send private message Visit seller's eCRATER store
JewelryDesignsByCher



Posts: 296

PostPosted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 10:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL ~ yupp all things that will make me leave a site, and so glad I've tried to avoid them. You're so right pages, I hate anything following me around the page, no matter how cutsie it is... and those in your face ad boxes are about as irritating as it can get ~ and a way to get rid of me and my business fast! Confused
Back to top
View seller's profile Send private message Visit seller's eCRATER store
ClassicTreasures



Posts: 163

PostPosted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 6:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hahaha! That was funny! Thanks for sharing! Smile Very Happy
Back to top
View seller's profile Send private message Visit seller's eCRATER store
fabulous-for-less
Guest




PostPosted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 7:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just fwd'd this to dh who designs websites... I'm sure I'll get a ROFLMAO reply email later in the day... thanks for the giGgLe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fab Razz


Last edited by fabulous-for-less on Thu Feb 22, 2007 7:32 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
fabulous-for-less
Guest




PostPosted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 7:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

oops... now you may have to horizontally scroll.... ROFL!!!!

sorry Sad

Fab Cool


..... edit..... nevermind I fixed it..... Wink
Back to top
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    eCRATER.com Forum Index -> Selling on eCRATER.com
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum