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CollectibleTreasuresEmpor
Posts: 9
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:01 pm Post subject: 10 Surefire Ways to Annoy Your Visitors |
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I have seen a lot of outrageous requests for changes on eCrater on that thread. This tongue-in-cheek was written by a well respected webhosting company based on their webhosting experiences. I thought it might be good to post it in it's own thread. I hope it generates some thoughtful consideration of what makes eCrater Great. I love the professional look of eCrater and that was one of the top reasons I chose it. I was told on another website to warn you not to drink coffee while reading this because it may end up on your computer screen.
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10 Surefire Ways to Annoy Your Visitors
1. Start with your entry page. Be sure to include a huge graphical logo, but absolutely no useful information. In general, large unnecessary downloads such as background music (ideally totally inappropriate music), multimedia presentations and video files, are an essential element of the truly annoying site, so include six or seven on every page.
2. Very tiny text (SIZE=1) can be a great way to damage your visitors' eyesight. Unfortunately modern browsers include a font-sizing feature which negates much of the power of this technique. Webmasters can seize back control by mixing tiny (SIZE=1) and very large (SIZE=6) text on the same page.
3. Low contrast color combinations like yellow on white, or better yet, dark gray on black, have been proven to increase web surfers' aggression levels.
4. WRITING EVERYTHING IN CAPITAL LETTERS CAN HAVE INTERESTING EFFECTS IN YOUR VISITORS' PSYCHOLOGICAL MAKE-UP. EXPERIMENT WITH switching between CASES FOR absolutely NO REASON, preferably EVEN IN THE midDLE of WOrds, TO REALLY WIND THEM UP!
5. Make sure absolutely every page positively requires horizontal scrolling.
6. Frames can be a powerful technology for making people's blood boil. Be sure to use them heavily, and don't let users easily break out even when leaving your site. For extra credit, combine this with horizontal scrolling and have the 'Home' button "accidentally" put the entire frame-set inside the smallest frame.
7. Forms are most interesting when they don't work at all. Unfortunately, it won't waste much of your visitors' time if the form has only a couple of fields. Therefore make sure your form has at least 20 fields which must be filled out exactly right (add validation code), and wait till they've struggled through them all, before giving a CGI error.
8. Banners adverts are one of the most under-used technologies on the web. Some sites have only 2 or 3 per page. Show those sites how to do it right, by having at least 20 banners per page. Remember never use a text link when you have a chance to use a banner!
9. Sadly some hosts do not add pop-ups to your pages. If your web host is holding you back in this way, don't despair. After you've mailed your letter of compliant to the hosting company, add a little JavaScript to your pages to achieve the same effect.
10. Finally the old ideas are often still the best ones: Bad English is well-known technique that many webmasters are familiar with. Be sure to include a more than adequate number of speling misteaks in all your text, or for a really exciting twist make your sentences really long, with way too many clauses, a superabundance of overlong and unnecessarily obtuse terminology and gratuitous jargon, and unexpected changes from formal language into the a more colloquial style: as it this way cool example!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Exclamation marks are also good, the more the better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Full credit for this marvelous advice goes to Dot5Hosting, my choice for web hosting.
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This tonque-in-cheek advice should be take to heart by all website owners. This is good advise for posting on all forums, websites, auctions and other selling venues. If you use this on another site, please be give the originator credit for it. |
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MIZombie
Posts: 489
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2BOYSandTOYS
Posts: 525
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 6:35 pm Post subject: |
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I have seen this and it has a ton of value IMO!!! I never know when there is music - I keep my speakers off unless I 'need' them!! |
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pages
Posts: 34
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Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 8:32 am Post subject: |
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Useful, but it left a couple things out. Blinkies and scrollers. Those annoying cursors that "follow" you around leaving little hearts on the page. And on the forms, be sure ALL the information completely disappears after the error code, so it must be reentered each time. Be sure you make your site compatible with only Explorer, since Firefox is the fastest growing browser.
I recently saw a new annoyance. It's an ad box that drops down from the top of the page unexpectedly and obscures part of the text. You can't get rid of it by scrolling down, because it follows you. |
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fancyflappers
Posts: 650
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Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 9:19 am Post subject: |
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Dangit, I use the alternating caps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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JewelryDesignsByCher
Posts: 296
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Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 10:45 am Post subject: |
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LOL ~ yupp all things that will make me leave a site, and so glad I've tried to avoid them. You're so right pages, I hate anything following me around the page, no matter how cutsie it is... and those in your face ad boxes are about as irritating as it can get ~ and a way to get rid of me and my business fast! |
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ClassicTreasures
Posts: 163
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Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 6:59 pm Post subject: |
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Hahaha! That was funny! Thanks for sharing! |
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fabulous-for-less Guest
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Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 7:27 am Post subject: |
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I just fwd'd this to dh who designs websites... I'm sure I'll get a ROFLMAO reply email later in the day... thanks for the giGgLe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fab
Last edited by fabulous-for-less on Thu Feb 22, 2007 7:32 am; edited 1 time in total |
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fabulous-for-less Guest
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Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 7:28 am Post subject: |
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oops... now you may have to horizontally scroll.... ROFL!!!!
sorry
Fab
..... edit..... nevermind I fixed it..... |
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