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My first Dear Abby submission

 
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thepatternpalace



Posts: 222

PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 3:27 am    Post subject: My first Dear Abby submission Reply with quote

I admit I read Dear Abby online every single day. Some days I really get a kick out of the things people ask about and the advice is sometimes just as humorous!

Anyway today a letter was posted from a daughter-in-law that was upset that her MIL didn't give her and her husband the toys and photos from when the husband was a child and also the husband's birth certificate.

Abby responded with "you can get a copy of the birth certificate and maybe ask to make copies of the photos" ........She also said that she basically agree with the DIL but didn't know what the MIL didn't want to give up the items....


Wow! I was really shocked and wondered if I'm just a weirdo or what? lol I have a TON of family photos and my family room is decorated exclusively in photos and portraits. I just love pictures!! If one of my kids or their spouses demanded these as "theirs" I would be appalled!! Those photos are the accumlation of years of work, lots of money, and many memories - I would never want to give them up.

As for the toys......while I don't feel like my children would be entitled to any of these that I saved I suppose I wouldn't have too much of a problem giving them to them if they really wanted them. But if they demanded them as their "right" .....lol well they'd get a piece of my mind.

I did give my eldest son and daughter each their baby books since they are each having (had) their first child. I thought it would be interesting for them to look through, compare, and cherish. Both kids and their spouses seemed to love the idea and were very grateful.


Anyway.....just curious to know whether you all give up your children's childhood items to them when they grow up


LOL edited to add that I actually wrote in to Dear Abby and gave my opinion on the DIL and her demands! After I did it...I just laughed at myself
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TyreeTrading



Posts: 1608

PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 4:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The birth certificate thing is wrong - she should give it to the child. You have to have it to get a passport. Tennessee changed it's driver registration law and to renew my driver's license I had to have my birth certificate.

Childhood pictures - If there a duplicates, smaller versions, pictures not on the wall, why not share them? Actually, the DIL should also be asking for pictures of her MIL and FIL as well. You know, with so many quality scanners around etc, why not have a family scanning party? That way all the kids could have pictures. A friend was moving from Pa to Az via a Uhaul truck. While stopped overnight, the uhaul truck was stolen. What upset her the most was the years of family photos and mementos - they were gone. Another friend had a kitchen fire. One of the firefighters removed a number of family photos from the house, trying to keep them from being damaged. Of course some were due to the huge amount of smoke. In both cases, no one else had copies.

Childhood toys - My Mother always considered them belonging to the child. When my brother got married and then I got married, she didn't push us to get them out since she didn't need the space. Once in a while she would say to me "I know a little girl who would love to play with..." and I'd say fine, go ahead and give it to her. When Mom passed away, my brother and I were pretty civilized dividing up the estate. The only times it got a little sticky were the toys - because of the age difference between us, I never realized some of my best loved toys were actually his toys! Ouch, did it hurt to give up some of those.

Demanding them? That might be up for intrepretation. A strong request might be seen as demanding. And it might have gotten a little stronger depending on how MIL responded. Having had a MIL who tended to 'expect' you to do things, I can see how easily that could be seen as 'demanding'. So the demands of a DIL might not be that at all.
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Dark-Unicorn-Collectibles



Posts: 14

PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 6:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I read that Dear Abbey today as well.

I was just sort of scary. I'm trying to figure out how this man has done anything in life without his birth cert. Heck in NY you need to have a copy for anything, opening a bank account, getting a duplicate copy of your SS card, I even think for getting a marriage license now.

Almost makes me wonder if his Mom is hiding something...... Rolling Eyes

I think pictures would be nice to have copies. Toys.... um I have 1 from my childhood and I've kept it with me and has never left my sight, unless the kids were sleeping with it to scare off "bad" dreams. I think the wife was just picking a fight. Female tend to keep the memories closest to us, Guys are often a bit different.
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SnowflakesBooksandCollectibles



Posts: 1013

PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 6:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Birth Certificate: This was issued in the son's name and belongs to the son.Why on earth would this mother treat it as a "possession" when it is a legal document not in her name? If a copy is made, it should be made for the mother, not the son.

Childhood Toys: When the toys were given to the son, did the mother say, "These are on loan."?
Maybe the daughetr senses that there is going to be some issues with a sibling with regards to some of the toys or the estate in general....you know how that goes.

Family Pictures: Copies can be made. Better yet, pictures now can be put on discs. Make several copies and distribute them amongst family members.
By the way, please take the time to go through the pictures and ID the people and places. Number, have a master list, or have some way of identifying who's who for future generations. I find many wonderful unidentified photos in my thrift shop / antique store rounds.
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MyBigGarageSale



Posts: 146

PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 6:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My wise old mom says "you always keep a daughter, but you often lose your sons". Sounds like that MIL is taking it hard.
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thelivesandlovesofmaggiethecat



Posts: 9919

PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 6:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

To my mind the only items mentioned above up for dispute are the photos. The rest of it belongs to the son. The toys were gifts. The birth certificate is his legal proof of who he is.

Maybe the mother just wants them for sentimental value but the fact is that people get senile in their old age and do strange things with family heirlooms. Disasters also happen. The photos should be scanned with the originals going to the person in the safest environment--Not Galveston or New Orleans.

I know this from personal experience. During their last years of independent living, my parents gave away family items to anyone who admired it....except their children. We were told we were too greedy for our own good.
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PetsAdored



Posts: 62

PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2008 6:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
The toys were gifts. The birth certificate is his legal proof of who he is.


That's what Judge Judy would say Laughing
As to needing Birth certificate... I think I've taken mine out maybe 3 times in my life. Needed it for my first Driver's License (at 16) ...
When I got married... & when I went to Bahama's (I don't have a passport)...

I think keeping someone else's Birth certificate is against the law if the owner is over 18.
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MaggietheCatsMeows



Posts: 2799

PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 2:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

PetsAdored wrote:
I think keeping someone else's Birth certificate is against the law if the owner is over 18.


When I was planning my first trip abroad I didn't know anything about birth certificates. I knew I needed a passport and when told I needed a birth certificate to get one I wrote to the county courthouse. I used that official copy for years and years for passports, foreign work permits, etc. It wasn't till my mother passed (I was well into middle age) that my original birth certificate was turned over to me. First I knew it existed.

I carry my passport in my purse all the time.
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