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Some people should have listened more in first grade.

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Posts: 9969

PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2015 2:57 pm    Post subject: Some people should have listened more in first grade. Reply with quote

I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please".
She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her.

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the
keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly
to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know, I already got that side. '
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used Sears repair since.

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.
From Kansas City

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less.

How would you pronounce this child's name?
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha".
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.

STAY ALERT! They walk among us......and they VOTE and have babies.

For all of us who are seniors...
The reason why baby diapers have brand names such as Luvs and Huggies, while undergarments for old people are called Depends:
When babies poop in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em and Hug'em.
When old people poop in their pants, it Depends on who's in the will!
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2015 3:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

(True story)
Cashier finishes passing all the items over the scanner. She then starts on the coupons. Register beeps, she checks to see if the items in question are on the order. They are. Tries to input the coupon again. Register beeps. She calls the manager over. Manager tries to input the coupon. Register beeps. Manager checks for the items. Shrugs her shoulders and does an override. Coupon is accepted.

I start looking at my register receipt. I see a coupon entry of $8.65. I knew it wasn't right but still couldn't figure it out. When I got home and unloaded the groceries, I checked my other coupons. Oops....the coupon was for a package of free charmin when you purchased a particular laundry detergent. Instead, they charged me for the charmin and credited the detergent.
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2015 6:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maggie - I loved the 1/4 vs 1/2 horse power motor. That was precious.
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 14, 2015 3:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh gosh! I had a heck of a time explaining a similar situation to this an employee of a local store. They were having a sale, get 4 large candy bags for $12. I only wanted one bag which would've been $3.00, that store does not charge you extra if you don't buy all 4 bags. The cashier was confused when it rang up for $3.00, she thought it should've been $4.00 & I was like, no it's normally 4 bags for $12 so cut that down to 1/4th and that's the total.

She was like, uh ma'am we can't open the bags & only give you a small portion we have to sell the entire bag. Huh? I replied, I wasn't talking about dividing the candy up, I was talking about the price. $3.00 is 1/4th of $12.00. She still look confused and said no, 1/4th of $12 would be one FOURTH, which is four dollars! LOL She was ignoring the 1 and only paying attention to the 4th part.
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